Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Tips on how to survive an AA meeting

1.) Do not make eye contact. If you do, make sure your eyes do not flicker toward the flask in your pocket because your eyes will always give you away.

2.) Do not surrender your will. When asked to stand up and confess you are an alcoholic, you should mumble “I am an agoraholic.” If they catch on to your ruse, let out a yelp and bolt outside to prove you are indeed addicted to wide open spaces.

3.) Do not brag about your drinking prowess. If you catch yourself mentioning the time you chugged tequila while being held upside down by four nude hookers, make sure you close the story with, “Man, that totally sucked.”

4.) Refrain from making “lip farts” or other disparaging sounds during members’ tearful confessions.Keep in mind that some segments of society consider drinking a twelve-pack of beer in a single sitting to be “hardcore boozing.”

5.) Avoid getting drawn into the prayer circle at the end of the meeting. This can sometimes lead to hugging. Announce that you belong to an animist sect and bark aggressively if anyone attempts to hold your hand.

Stolen from: Modern Drunkard Magazine


At 4:35 am, Blogger Jessie said...

"Lip farts" hahahahaa!


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