Monday, March 21, 2005

My 'fucking' lecturer

Another day at uni has come to an end.

This is my third and final year at uni, and over that time I've had a handful of weird and wonderful lecturers, and none more weird than one of my current lecturers.

I won't mention names or units (to protect the not-so-innocent), but this particular lecturer is a male in his early to mid 40s. He has been at Curtin for a while now in a researching role, but this is his first lecturing gig for a few years.

We have a three hour lecture every Monday in the late afternoon, which is quite a marathon, and boredom usually sets in quite early. That was until I invented a little game to keep me awake (if not interested). I got the idea in our first lecture (three weeks ago). About halfway through the lecture, our man stopped what he was babbling on about and stated:
"You're all probably sitting there thinking, just what the fuck is this wanker going on about!"

He was 100% correct, but his colourful language made me sit up and take notice. Did he just say what I thought he said? Within the next couple of minutes he dropped another two F-bombs. It was then that I wrote "Fuck count" and three dashes at the top of my notes. Over the course of the next hour he managed to drop one more giving a total of four... impressive!

The following week, just above where I write the date in my notes, I again wrote "Fuck count" with last weeks total alongside. Two hours in to the lecture it was looking a bit grim, he hadn't scored once. But just when I thought my game was destined for the scrap heap, he unfurled a 'fuck flurry'; five in a ten minute period... he had gone one better than the previous week... I was on to something!

Last week I was almost nervous with anticipation, would he go one better again? Or would he go 'fuckless'? I made my little "Fuck count" box with the previous weeks totals. Again he kept me waiting for over half of the lecture, but again, when it rained it poured; eight fucks! I was in awe... how could he possibly improve on eight? Had he peaked too early in the semester? Is he going to resort to 'cunt' from here on in?

Which brings us to this week. I made an addition to my little "Fuck count" scoreboard, a "This weeks prediction" section. Believing that he was all but 'fucked-out' after eight last week, my prediction was (a conservative) three. In what can only be described as an obvious pattern, the first half of the lecture was totally devoid of 'fucks'. Then, almost on cue, he dropped one in... but I was devastated when he began to apologise for his indiscretion. Granted, he 'fucked' again in his apology, but he apologised none-the-less and said that he would try to restrain from swearing too much in the future. A total of two fucks and a dark cloud hanging over the future of the "Fuck count" game... I'll keep you posted on post-Easter 'fucking' lecturer developments.


Listening to: Cat Power - You Are Free

3 Comments:

At 11:04 am, Blogger Melina said...

Fantastic game! In college I used to keep track how often my one professor wore his really weird orange saddle shoes in a week because I had him for three classes. He busted those puppies out early and often!!

 
At 9:35 pm, Blogger Non Stop Ive ! said...

Often at openings I have to listen to long speeches made by council members or the mayor about what a great town this is.

My new trick to amuse myself is whenever they say "Geelong" (the town's name) or "this city" I pretend they're actually saying "my dildo".

 
At 10:34 pm, Blogger cotard said...

Teehee... Ive said dildo.

 

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