Sunday, May 08, 2005

It's the wine talking...

Okay, I've been drinking again... think of me what you will.

Some of my finest moments of clarity come after excess alcohol consumption, so it can't be a bad thing.

Top 5 things that I realized while sitting on my balcony with my eighth glass of Seifried (NZ) Pinot Noir 2003 (I'm a classy drunk):

1) On this "Mother's Day", I've realized that I (and for that matter, the majority of my family) have treated my mother like an emotional punching bag for way too long. Whenever I have a problem, she's usually the first to hear about it... and she listens, despite the fact that she's got every reason to tell me to fuck-the-hell-off. She's recently been diagnosed with emphysema, she has just found out that the cartilage in her knee is all fucked-up and needs surgery, she hardly ever gets to see her husband, due to the fucked up hours that he works. On top of that, I'm the only child left in Perth, and I only see her about once a fortnight. My sister's in Adelaide and my brother's in New Zealand, as the oldest and the only one still close to 'home', I should really be making more of an effort to maintain some sort of regular contact. Additionally, mum and dad are not well off financially, so mum has to work a couple of days a week, including Sunday (one of the 2 or 3 days that dad is actually at home), they will probably need to sell the family home soon for something smaller... and I think that I've got problems.

2) In a similar vein, I don't make enough of an effort to contact my sister in Adelaide. She's studying medicine over there, and from all reports she's really doing it tough money-wise. I don't tell her often enough how proud I am of her. She has an attitude toward life that I am genuinely envious of. I have never been more proud than when I saw her graduate from high-school, winning awards for physics, english literature and photography... I'm not aware of anyone who has excelled to the point of finishing top of their class in three more diverse subjects. And when I accepted an award on her behalf at Curtin a few years back (the university that I now attend), those feelings of pride came back again. It may be worth mentioning that my sister is 6 years my junior... but I look up to her none-the-less.

3) My own stubborn-ness really annoys me sometimes. There are a handful of people that I've been really close to in my life. However, if I feel that they've really 'crossed' me, I never make enough of an effort to set things right... instead I tend to 'let them go'. Prime examples of this include the two major 'intimate' relationships that I've had. Although I have no regrets about breaking up with either of them... I do regret not making some sort of effort to maintain contact with them. I shared about 5 years with each of them, and although they turned out not to be "the ones", they were, for that period of time, my best friends. I miss having the friendship that goes along with intimately sharing your life with someone.

4) I think that I'm a decent person and that I'm capable of being a really good friend when required... but there's sooooo much room for improvement.

5) I should take more risks...



Listening to: Radiohead - The Bends

8 Comments:

At 1:22 am, Blogger Melina said...

I think I like the tipsy introspective Paul. So now that you've recognized these things, what's next?

Oh and how's the beard coming along?

 
At 1:37 am, Blogger Melina said...

It's me again. I just had a chance to check out your online "album collection" and good god! That must've been an undertaking! After checking it out, I'm thinking of starting a blogosphere CD exchange. Hit me up if you'd be interested, and if you have any idea of how we can get this started. I'm an idea girl, I don't really put things into actual motion.

 
At 11:38 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:01 pm, Blogger cotard said...

Melina, the beard is coming along just fine, thanks for your interest. As for online CD exchanges, I have no idea... I'm actually fairly naive when it comes to such things. Keep me posted if you manage to convert the idea, I'm keen to learn the ways of online music swapping.

 
At 11:04 pm, Blogger cotard said...

Oh, and Mr (or Mrs) anonymous, I'm usually very anti-censorship, but you were way out-of-line. At least have the decency (and guts) to put a name to your dirty work.

 
At 3:03 am, Blogger Melina said...

I'm thinking maybe burning CDs through snail mail.

 
At 3:51 pm, Anonymous Lola said...

go for it ;)

it makes me sad somewhat that i seem to get these brief bursts of 'enlightenment' as well, and then before i know it, time has passed, another 'enlightenment' comes along, and i've done nothing about the first.

maybe one day i'll suprise myself, but i can't shake this doubt .

hmm. maybe i'll stop being pessimistic on your optimistic post now...

 
At 5:00 pm, Blogger miss wendy said...

Would you be ok if I copied this for my counseling micro skills class to put a model of counselling onto?...
It would be anonymous but I won't if you don't feel comfy.. What they'd need though is .. of these issues which would be THE one that you would think is the place to begin to focus on.. i.e. which has the highest priority, and most likely to change. i.e. most payoff for input.. can you rate them in the cotard site style 1.2.3... ?

 

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