Friday, July 29, 2005

I've folded

I've tried, honestly I have. But I can resist no longer.

The English cricket team are such easy targets, it just doesn't seem right to take-the-piss. But this just arrived by e-mail (it's probably the 5th or 6th in a series of pommy-bashing e-mails received since the end of the 1st test).

I've been studying the Poms...and I think I can help them. If we can find a way to pass on the following hints, we may be able to conjure up a competitive 2nd Test.

A) The English should pick more South Africans. I think you'll find England actually came a distant third in the Lords Test, behind Australia and Pieterson.

B) Hoggard should do something with his hair, his teeth, and his bowling action. The first two won't help his cricket...but at least he may be able to get a nice desk job after his career is over in three weeks' time.

C) Vaughan should set a more realistic goal for the next trying to get through a complete over without looking astonished.

D) Gerraint Jones should do nothing different. He has already made the most of his limited talent...and what a great move to play for England...God knows he'd never get into the Zimbabwean side.

E) There has been suggestions that Ashely Giles should take up darts as a sport...personally I think this would be a mistake, as it's impossible to win a darts match by firing every dart three foot wide of the board.

F) Trescothick should wear regular boots instead of the Nike Concretes he is obviously using...a little bit of footwork will enable him to knick one to slip a lot quicker and get Pieterson in a lot earlier.

G) Bell ... well, you can't help everybody.

H) Flintoff certainly looks to be the next Ian Botham... if only he could develop an outswinger, a forward defence and a personality.

It'd be a start.

A glum looking Michael Vaughan


At 10:40 am, Anonymous bronte said...

ok so yes my understanding and enjoyment of cricket is limited to the boozing and the yelling, and i definately dont understand this joke... but when i thought you were saying something nice aboot saffers i almost wrote you off instantly... however...

(and im sure we've discussed this before and hope we shall never need to again)

i dont think advocating increased numbers of south africans in international sport is EVER funny, and ill thankyou not to ever make this joke or any other saying anything nice about south africans (even if its pulling the proverbial) again. its just not cricket :D

(and yes yes im sure its very funny once explained to someone mildly retarded such as myself)

sorry, had to get that out now how was the date?

At 7:43 am, Blogger ozbhoy said...


Very good. I actually made the bold statement that England wouldn't win a session let alone a match.

How I've had to eat humble pie.

The match was a nail biter up until lunch on the first day. Their best result in years.

Well done blighty!


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